Side note: I looked up synonyms for the word 'vomit'. I don't recommend googling it because one of the first results was a slew of pictures along with the synonyms. It doesn't bother me; but it may bother you.
Back to clean toilets! I will clean the toilet in my apartment several times a week. It's just a habit I'm in. I can be in the middle of straightening my hair or applying make up and I will stop what I'm doing to give the toilet a quick yet thorough scrubbing.
Yesterday, Easter Sunday, I walked out to my car after church. I was supposed to go to a friend's house for lunch and was excited about it! When I got to my car though I had this weird urge to drive straight home and go to sleep. My body was threatening me, "If you don't go home and go to sleep, we will make you pass out!" (I don't know why I think of my body as a "we". . .) So, I drove straight home, and all 30 minutes of the trip I was thinking about how I just wanted to lay down and sleep. So I did. As soon as I got home I curled up on my couch and slept for the next three hours.
Suddenly, I sat up, startled and groggy.
What? I stumbled around wishing I could go back to sleep but didn't think my brain would let me until I cleaned the toilet. "I am so weird," I thought to myself. No wonder I'm single. I cleaned the toilet top to bottom and inside out, washed my hands, and sleepily stumbled back to the couch.
The head pain and nausea lasted hours. I wanted to sleep through it and wake up feeling better but that wasn't going to happen. For three agonizing hours I lay curled up on the couch having extreme thoughts: I would either die or I would miraculously get better. And I was hoping for both.
So lying there for hours hoping to die or get better, my body chose the happy medium. "You shall puuuuke!" It's amazing how quickly and fluidly I can get from the couch, around the corner, over a tub of winter clothing and to the bathroom. I'm in crazy silent panic mode, my hair whipping wildly behind me. This is when I am thankful for my long, frog-like legs. In two and half gazelle-like strides I'm nearing the bathroom.
"Wow. I'm really glad I cleaned the toilet a few hours ago. That was really lucky."
"I'm going to need a hair tie"
"Oops. No time for a hair tie. Hope none of it falls into the toilet."
"I hate puking. But I wonder if I will lose any weight as a result of this."
Then, comes the leap! After the long stride, my foot hit the linoleum of the bathroom floor and I become air born: