Friday, September 16, 2011

Nothing to avoid

It turns out that I am at my most creative and/or inspired when I am trying to procrastinate or avoid another task altogether.  How did I discover this?  After four, long, horrifyingly inconvenient years of college I am finally finished with my Bachelor's degree. (I don't have my grades back yet and I'm surprisingly superstitious so don't get excited). 

This past year, especially, I've been burning out quickly and procrastinating like it's an Olympic sport and I'm trying to get on the team!  The fact that I produce better results under pressure only justified the procrastination, which is unfortunate, and I'm convinced, very bad for my heart.  In the middle of writing a research paper I would suddenly have to STOP, minimize my Word doc and start typing a blog post, usually at midnight.  Then, afterward I could focus on my paper again.  It was a terrible way to complete school but it made for some good posts, I hope.

This past week, I have been free.  I go out with friends spontaneously, I hang out with my nieces and nephews, I go to bed at a normal time,  all the while never having to say to anyone, "I can't; I have a paper to write."

I thought that having all this extra time on my hands and a clear mind would inspire me to blog like crazy, but instead I have 19 unfinished drafts just sitting there, taunting me.  I hate them and their smug unfinishedness.  Blah.  Since I have nothing that I want to avoid right now, I can't seem to focus on blogging. 

But maybe it's a good thing?  It's kind of fantastic that there's nothing in my life that I want to avoid.  Well, nothing besides dating.  I'm avoiding that like the plague, but that's a whole other blog post that is currently in draft form. Until I'm inspired to polish my drafts or to write about anything new at all, I am just going to live.  That is the most freeing thing I've said or felt in a long time. 

1 comment:

  1. Congrats on getting done . . . I'm proud of you . . . it is nice to be where you can breath and live once in awhile.