Wednesday, June 20, 2012

A Gasoline Story

Standing comfortably next to my car, I absorbed the morning and my surroundings.  The sounds of the early morning commute were musical and I tapped my toes to the rhythm of the gas pump filling up the tank of my car. Gluhgluglgluhgluh- ka CHUnk- gluhgluhgluhgluhgluh-ka CHUnk.   A busy street to the east, neighborhoods to the west filled with early morning joggers, office buildings to the north; I observed my neighbors in our suburban habitat.  Everyone seemed to be in a rush, that is, everyone except me.  For the first time ever, I had experienced an efficient morning resulting in a leisurely filling up of my gas tank before work instead of hastily going through the process and whispering threats to the pump to "hurry up!"

I suddenly felt a sensation on my leg that I can only describe as being hit with a hot, wet towel.  I had a split second of confusion filled with questions too numerous to answer in such a short time.  Just as I started to look down at my leg, the same sensation came over my left shoulder, across my chest, and top of my thigh.  Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of the pump nozzle descending after flinging around wildly in the air like one of those flower sprinklers kids play in. It landed on the ground with a loud and embarrassing tink-THUD!  Fuel spilled out on the ground and covered my nearly bare feet and brand new, amazingly cute sandals.  

Somehow,the nozzle of the gas pump had literally shot out of the gas tank and while wildly flailing had drenched me in fuel!  The hot, wet towel sensation was suddenly making sense.  I was covered in gasoline from head to toe.  Whaaaaaaaaaat?!  I replaced the nozzle with the pump and headed swiftly to the driver's seat of my car peeling off my sandals and outer shirt as I walked, or slid to be more precise.  As I started walking, I slipped on the slick lake of gasoline under my feet resulting in an awkward attempt to keep my balance: one leg sticking out, hands in the air, my right foot fighting to find proper stability.  I exclaimed a "Whoa!" that would make Joey Lawrence proud.

Over the course of the following two hours I showered twice, fully clothed, then washed my clothing, set my amazingly cute sandals out to dry, took a real shower and attempted to get ready for the day again.  Everything smelled of gasoline-my apartment, my car, and sadly me too. My only hope was that it wasn't super noticeable to others who would have to be around me that day.  I had a work event to be at so I decided to keep my cool, despite being extremely frustrated and self-conscious about my new odor.  I did pretty well until halfway to the event venue when I saw flashing lights behind me.

"Do you know how fast you were going?"

I handed over my license, registration and insurance.  "Honestly, I was going about 7 over but isn't that within the 'safe zone'?  I'm not going to argue about it, though.  A ticket is fine."  I was already late to work and I wanted this encounter to end quickly.

The officer leaned forward to return my documents and said worriedly, "Ma' your car leaking fuel?  It smells strongly of gasoline."

I immediately deflated.  My self-conscious fears were becoming reality.  I stink! (Not all of my fears became reality, such as my fear that I would burst into flames!). The gasoline story came flooding out (go back and read it without punctuation, don't take a single breath, that's what it sounded like to the cop) and I ended with, "and ironically I'm vegan and I make my own cleaning products and refuse to use lotion and cleansers with certain ingredients in an effort to keep my body free of chemicals and toxins!"

He didn't say anything.  He stood there staring at me and then he laughed.  He laughed some more and then calmly said, "Why don't you get to work and we'll forget about this ticket.  Just slow down." So I did, but seriously 7 over the speed limit?  He must have been bored, but I digress.

The benefits of being doused in gasoline?  It's been two weeks since the incident and I still have silky smooth legs!  I'm hoping to discover that I've gained super powers and not cancer.

1 comment:

  1. Comments from Facebook:

    Amy Moser:
    Oh man...laughing and groaning similtaneously ...
    June 22

    Charity Berwick:
    Oh wow!!! =D
    June 22

    Kate Malone:
    Unleaded, the new Nair. Thanks for this, I laughed the whole way through!!
    June 22

    Susan Harris:
    You are a great story teller! You made this event sound completely hilarious!! :-))))
    June 22

    Jess Harris:
    Thanks, Aunt Susan
    June 23